Lessons Learned from Motherhood

“Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.” William Makepeace Thackeray

I have been a parent for just over 5 and half years now. I am not an expert, I don’t hold the magic key and sometimes I still wish they came with a user’s manual. I see expectant new mothers showered with advice and shake my head in mirth.
I was twenty five when I got pregnant. I wasn’t as prepared as some, but we all do what we have to. I have made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot. I thought it would be fun to share what I learned.

Advice. It sounds all fine and dandy, but not everyone knows what they are talking about. No two babies or mommies are a like. Similar, yes, but not the same. I have found that with motherhood comes the desire to be the authority and give unsolicited advice. It seems that as soon as someone becomes a parent, the sensor comes off. Everyone wants to believe that what they did was the best for their child, so by getting you to believe their beliefs, somehow they have reinforced the idea that they did. So I take advice when I want, from who I want, keeping in mind, that with parenthood, advice is just other word for opinion.

Listen to my mother. I always kind of listened to her growing up, I knew she had great ideas. But now that I am a parent, I need someone who is like me, who thinks like me, has the same values that I do, to bounce things off of. If it is not my mother, it is my best friend. I need someone who won’t judge me based off some weird yardstick. Someone who I can be open with and get help from. Or who can just listen to me. I also appreciate so much more, on a whole new level, what my own mother went through. Our bond is stronger and better because I now know the meaning of “because I said so”.

I have to have a best friend who knows what you are going through. The best help I can get is a good support system. Someone I can share all the nity-gritty things about being a mother with who will share in my laughter and my pain. Someone who will occasionally remind me that I am a woman, friend, worker, lover as well as a mother. Once I find someone, or few people, I try to hold on to them. They will help me weather my tough storms.

I trust no one blindly. Not even the aforementioned people. I have had experts tell me, I have read books and listened to people tell me what I should do as a parent. At one point or another, I found them to be wrong. With my child being the most important thing in my life, I must always be on the look out to do what is best and right. I must remember that my decisions are the ones I must live with, so I want to make the best one.

Just because I read a book on it, doesn’t mean I am expert. I learned that a little information can be dangerous, especially if it is only from one source. I have heard story after story from mothers, fathers, doctors and so on about someone who insisted that they knew better. I try to take the time out and remember I can always learn more.

I try to remember my own childhood. I still remember being young and loving to play with my Barbies. Keeping in mind that my childhood was pretty good, reminds me to relax and let my kid be a kid. She shouldn’t have the pressure to be perfect, and she should always know that I lover her just the way she is. It also reminds me to be silly, messy, carefree for a bit.